Hannah wanted a son, God wanted a prophet.

Hannah was a seeker of God. Maybe she didn’t know it, and maybe she didn’t choose to be, at least not in the way she was called to it. But, through the circumstances of her physical barrenness, for years she cried out to God for a child, only to be endlessly and aggressively provoked by the other woman her husband was married to. This woman, Peninnah, was able to have children, a sign of blessing in that day. But Hannah was barren, a sign of being cursed. Not just that, but it was God himself who had closed her womb, preventing her from bearing the physical fruit she so longed for. For years on end, Hannah was so discouraged and resentful, even to the point of not eating. It says in 1 Samuel 1 that her rival would provoke her bitterly to irritate her, because God had closed her womb. The word “rival” in this passage literally means to “vex”, inflicting pain as a bitter rival as one who delights in causing pain. Not only did Hannah have to share her husband with another woman, and a fruitful woman at that, but that woman exacerbated her pain so intensely that it made life unbearable for Hannah. It also says that Hannah’s husband, Elkanah, made the comment to her “Hannah, why do you weep, and why do you not eat, and why is your heart sad? Am I not better to you than ten sons?” Clearly, he did not understand the deep desires of his wife’s heart, causing her only to feel alone in her pain.

Imagine yourself, dear one, in Hannah’s position. She already was seen by others as cursed for not being able to have children, her husband was married to another woman, and this woman consistently dug at the deepest wounds of her soul making them deeper with each passing day. On top of that, her husband did not understand why she was in so much pain. You know that Hannah absolutely felt alone, unloved, unseen, abandoned, unworthy, rejected, hated, forgotten, misunderstood, you name it. I’m sure many of us can relate deeply to what she felt. But, as in any story of victory, what the enemy intended for harm, God absolutely used for good- because He is good. Though not much is written about Hannah’s life, one thing is evident from this passage in 1 Samuel 1. Throughout all the opposition, Hannah remained faithful in worship to the Lord. She never gave up praying, believing that God could, and I believe would, answer the very cry of her heart. She went on a journey she didn’t even know she was on- the journey of every true seeker of God- the journey of persistence in prayer. This is the journey of asking, seeking, and knocking (Matthew 7:7), or, contending for the promises of the Lord in prayer.

I believe the Lord invites all of His followers to “ASK” Him for all things because we are told to do so. But I believe fewer will venture into the place of true seeking, and even fewer will reach the place of knocking on the door of His heart with the desires of our own heart. These are the deep places of prayer, the deep waters of surrender if you will, that often require the greatest sacrifice, which is all of our hearts. Seeking requires grit, stamina, strength, and courage. It squeezes out every place of inauthenticity, apathy and fear within us. It refines us in the fire of vulnerability and sifts away the fleshly “ask’s” as His word in us begins to divide soul and spirit, forging within us the purity it requires to “ask according to His will” and ultimately, trust and firm resolve that God is who He says He is. It is only those who endure the testing of seeking who reach the door in which we knock. You know that knock- when you’re this close to giving up and you feel you have no strength left, and He’s asking you to KNOCK on the door of His heart, yet again. It would seem cruel, if He didn’t actually intend to open the door and answer. But He always does, Beloved. We must believe, He always opens the door to us.

You see, throughout Hannah’s wrestlings and groanings in prayer, we are told that she ended up making a vow to the Lord. I believe this wasn’t a “random” vow that came about because she was on the edge of giving up and wanted to see if God would just give her what she wanted if she tossed him a compromise. That would be how the enemy gets us to quit in the place of asking and seeking, and to come short of God’s full promises by coming into agreement with him. God doesn’t respond to compromise. No, I believe that what she came to realize in her prayers for a child was that this child was not just to be like every other child- like the children of her rival. This child was to be set apart unto the Lord, used for His purposes alone. I believe that as she persisted in prayer, the Lord continued strengthening her in the place of hope that just maybe, He had already planned to give her, and her nation, much more than what she had begun to ask for. She was asking for a son, and God was preparing a man to change the course of a nation. I like how one article puts it, that “God answered more abundantly than she asked when her heart and God’s heart became a perfect match”. And so, as Jesus said in Gethsemane, “Not my will but your’s be done”, Hannah understood that God had a bigger plan and purpose for this child, and her heart needed to get to the point of not just accepting this, but desiring it, too. Because not only was she going to be given a son, but she would later surrender this son fully to the Lord. This kind of surrender is only possible when there is the utmost trust involved, and faith that there is joy on the other side of the suffering. This is what is developed in the depths of prayer, the places of deep union where the desires of our hearts align with the desires of God’s heart.

Her tears and pain were not in vain. They gave birth to a prophet of Israel (Samuel) who would anoint two kings, one of them being David, a man after God’s own heart and precursor to our Messiah. And throughout all of the tears and taunts, she kept showing up, year after year in the temple bringing sacrifices and offerings to God. Until one day, Eli the priest gave her his blessing, “Go in peace and may the God of Israel grant the petition you have asked of Him.” To which she replied, “Let your maidservant find favor in your sight.” Finally, she was seen- and blessed, not by her husband, but by a priest of the Lord. We all need the favor of God, which is His grace. And we can see that Hannah was granted that favor, because the very next day it says she lay with her husband and became pregnant because the Lord remembered her. The grace of God through Jesus allows Him to remember us and His promises to us, too.

Remember, anyone can give birth to a child, a marriage, a business, book, ministry, etc- but God is looking for the wombs through which He can birth His eternal fruit and purposes- the very things that are far greater than what we have even begun to ask, think, or hope for (Ephesians 3:20). God actually desires to exceed our expectations, but it requires walking with Him in a place of surrendered trust so that His plans and purposes can be birthed through us. No matter what your journey has been or what you are going through today, keep asking the Lord. Keep seeking, wrestling, being honest, and asking the hard questions. Keep knocking on the door of His heart. Don’t let the taunts of your enemies make you so discouraged that you give up on the journey, and don’t despise the gift of tears; the years of travailing prayer. You never know what God is bringing to life out of your deepest places of pain and longing, and there is always an end point. I believe the destination is more beautiful than any of us can presently imagine. He’s already gone before us to prepare it for us. God is faithful, and when our hope is in Him, He will not disappoint us. He will do exceedingly above and beyond your wildest requests, and it is His delight to do so.